Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess!

by Kathy Eliscu

 

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Somewhere in Maine, a middle-aged woman is having a serious temper tantrum. “Tink” Casawill is drowning in family and work demands, hormones, a fiancé oblivious to another woman’s flirtations, and…her doctor tells her to cut out caffeine. (WHAT?!?)

While attempting to do a good deed, Tink’s life spins out of control and now, “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess!”

 

“Please turn these pages very gently. I just had a two-hour nervous breakdown. My PMS dropped the P, and although I’m feeling better and have made the proper restitution with both my fiancé and the hinges on one of our kitchen drawers, I am still a little touchy. You would be, too, if on top of the hormones, your new GYN told you to cut back on the caffeine.”

“It’s amazing how complicated some things are that don’t need to be, like some public bathrooms that have double-decker toilet paper rolls inside the metal dispenser. You know, the kind that has a life force of its own. The top roll rests right on top of the bottom roll. I guess there’s supposed to be a space between them. But there isn’t. You see the end of the roll between them and pull. Suddenly, there are two lines of paper coming out from between them. The rule is, I think, to use the lower one first. Or is it the upper one. Well—you push the upper roll up an inch, holding it in place as you try to break off a decent-sized piece from the lower roll. Now, pull! One square. All this, and you’re using both hands and you’re all twisted off to the side. And you’re holding up your skirt, or long sweater, or jacket at the same time. And hovering. You’d better be. Didn’t your mother warn you about toilets seats?!”

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COMING UP!!!!

NEW SCHEDULE:

Saturday, May 5, from 10am-3pm, I will be participating in the St. Baldrick’s Head Shaving Event at The Point Community Center, 345 Clarks Pond Parkway, So. Portland, Maine, – not shaving my head, but donating $5/book sold to this very worthy cause to raise money for childhood cancer research. This cuts my own profit down to almost nothing, but I am honored to do this, and hope you will stop in and be generous in your contributions in any way possible. Mother’s Day is coming! Buy a book, and help cancer research. YES!

 

Saturday, May 26, from 10am-4pm, at the Falmouth Fest & Old Home Days, Community Park (off Winn Rd.), Falmouth, Maine, this girl will be at the “Story Tent”with lots of other authors, signing copies of Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess. From me to you – the gift of laughs!

 

Saturday, August 18, from 9am-2pm, I’ll be at the United Farmers Market, Belfast Maine with author Judi Valentine! – FMI regarding location, www.belfastmarket.com – See you there!

 

More to come – stay tuned!

Note: I continue to book speaking engagements at clubs, groups, libraries, and CHARITABLE events. Please contact me directly at keliscu@maine.rr.com – Thanks!

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Happy Spring! Order “Not Even Dark Chocolate…” for yourself, your female relatives and friends over the age of whatever-is-the-acceptable-age-to-hear-bad-words, and also for evolved males who like to laugh!! It’s a GREAT birthday, retirement, holiday, any-day gift!

Massachusetts readersWestwinds Bookshop in Duxbury, MA now carries Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess. Thank you to Lydia & Jane who run this FABULOUS shop!!

NEW YORKERS!!!  The following AWESOME book store now carries Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess:

~Book Culture, 536 West 112th St,. NY, NY    

AVAILABLE in NEARLY all BOOKSTORES in MAINE, incl.:

Letterpress Books, Portland; Print: A Bookstore, Portland, ME; Longfellow Books, Portland; Sherman Books all locations; Nonesuch, all locations; Books N Things, Norway; Book Review, Falmouth, ME; Book Burrow, Kennebunk, ME (“Lower Village”) Fine Print Booksellers, Kennebunkport, ME; FOUND shop in Kennebunk, ME; and many more… A HUGE thank-you to these and other bookstores not listed here! If your bookstore is out of copies, they can order them pronto, or you can order online (see above.)

Please support your local indie bookstores!

 


BIG NEWS!!!

Southern Maine peeps: I am available to chat with your book club if arranged in advance. Please connect with me via my email: keliscu@maine.rr.com – There are some guidelines (like providing me with dessert and, oh, the club members need to buy the book, read it, and then we chat and no one mentions that I look like I’ve had one too many desserts…)

Occasionally I can do these events outside of Maine. We’ll talk.

Contact me at: keliscu@maine.rr.com 

 

RADIO!! I was honored and so happy to be interviewed by John McDonald, Maine’s Storyteller and author, on Sunday, July 12, 2015, during his morning show on WGAN AM 560 on the dial. I had so much fun! Hear the podcast at http://wgan.com/podcasts/kathy-eliscu-7-12/ – oh, and ignore the part where I gave the wrong date for the Beyond The Sea book festival 2015. Apparently the coffee hadn’t kicked in yet.

So happy to hear from readers that this novel is being enjoyed! If you wish, I would love great reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. Thank you!

Proud member: Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance & National Society of Newspaper Columnists!

 

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About the Author

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nsnc2016badgeKathy Eliscu is a retired RN and humor writer whose column “Lightly Roasted,” in Maine Women magazine, earned her a National Society of Newspaper Columnists award in 2012. “Lightly Roasted” now runs in My Generation Maine magazine. Her work has also appeared in the Maine Sunday Telegram, Employment Times, and Advance for Nurses. When she’s not writing, she can be seen searching for the perfect dessert.

WILLIAM D. ELDRIDGE, cartoonist, has retired from working in the mental health field. He lives at his farm in West Poland, Maine, and is working full time as an artist.

 

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