Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess!
by Kathy Eliscu
Somewhere in Maine, a middle-aged woman is having a serious temper tantrum. “Tink” Casawill is drowning in family and work demands, hormones, a fiancé oblivious to another woman’s flirtations, and…her doctor tells her to cut out caffeine. (WHAT?!?)
While attempting to do a good deed, Tink’s life spins out of control and now, “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess!”
“Please turn these pages very gently. I just had a two-hour nervous breakdown. My PMS dropped the P, and although I’m feeling better and have made the proper restitution with both my fiancé and the hinges on one of our kitchen drawers, I am still a little touchy. You would be, too, if on top of the hormones, your new GYN told you to cut back on the caffeine.”
“It’s amazing how complicated some things are that don’t need to be, like some public bathrooms that have double-decker toilet paper rolls inside the metal dispenser. You know, the kind that has a life force of its own. The top roll rests right on top of the bottom roll. I guess there’s supposed to be a space between them. But there isn’t. You see the end of the roll between them and pull. Suddenly, there are two lines of paper coming out from between them. The rule is, I think, to use the lower one first. Or is it the upper one. Well—you push the upper roll up an inch, holding it in place as you try to break off a decent-sized piece from the lower roll. Now, pull! One square. All this, and you’re using both hands and you’re all twisted off to the side. And you’re holding up your skirt, or long sweater, or jacket at the same time. And hovering. You’d better be. Didn’t your mother warn you about toilets seats?!”
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SATURDAY, APRIL 8, from 4 – 5 pm, I will be one of 2 readers/presenters at the Continuum for Creativity, 863 Main St., Westbrook, Maine. I will read excerpts from “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess“, tell embarrassing family stories, and pass out chocolates! For every book sold at this event, I will donate $5 to “My Place Teen Center” in Westbrook, which serves youth ages 10 – 18, offering activities, support, meals, and more. Please come, enjoy the afternoon, and tell your friends!
Note: I continue to book speaking engagements at clubs, groups, libraries, and CHARITABLE events. Please contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org – Thanks!
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Summer’s long gone! Keep the fun going. Order “Not Even Dark Chocolate…” for yourself, your female relatives and friends over the age of whatever-is-the-acceptable-age-to-hear-bad-words, and also for evolved males who like to laugh!! It’s a GREAT birthday, retirement, holiday, any-day gift! Um – the holidays are coming…
NEW YORKERS!!! The following AWESOME book stores now carry Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess:
~Book Culture, 536 West 112th St,. NY, NY
~The Village Bookstore, 10 Washington Ave., Pleasantville, NY
AVAILABLE in NEARLY all BOOKSTORES in MAINE, incl.:
Letterpress Books, Portland; Longfellow Books, Portland; Sherman Books all locations; Nonesuch, all locations; Books N Things, Norway; Book Review, Falmouth, ME; Book Burrow, Kennebunk, ME (“Lower Village”) Found shop in Kennebunk, ME; The Old Salt, Water Street, Wiscassett, Maine, Books-A-Million, South Portland in their “Regional” section (not necessarily listed in their computer system yet, so just walk to “Regional, friends), and many more… A HUGE thank-you to these and other bookstores not listed here! If your bookstore is out of copies, they can order them pronto, or you can order online (see above.)
Outside Maine: RiverRun Bookstore,Portsmouth, NH; Burton’s Books, Greenport, NY; The Village Bookstore, Pleasantville, NY; Book Culture, 112th St, NYC
Southern Maine peeps: I am available to chat with your book club if arranged in advance. Please connect with me via my email: email@example.com – There are some guidelines (like providing me with dessert and, oh, the club members need to buy the book, read it, and then we chat and no one mentions that I look like I’ve had one too many desserts…)
Occasionally I can do these events outside of Maine. We’ll talk.
RADIO!! I was honored and so happy to be interviewed by John McDonald, Maine’s Storyteller and author, on Sunday, July 12, 2015, during his morning show on WGAN AM 560 on the dial. I had so much fun! Hear the podcast at http://wgan.com/podcasts/kathy-eliscu-7-12/ – oh, and ignore the part where I gave the wrong date for the Beyond The Sea book festival 2015. Apparently the coffee hadn’t kicked in yet.
So happy to hear from readers that this novel is being enjoyed! If you wish, I would love great reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. Thank you!
Proud member: Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance & National Society of Newspaper Columnists!
About the Author
Kathy Eliscu is a retired RN and humor writer whose column “Lightly Roasted,” in Maine Women magazine, earned her a National Society of Newspaper Columnists award in 2012. “Lightly Roasted” now runs in My Generation magazine. Her work has also appeared in the Maine Sunday Telegram, Employment Times, and Advance for Nurses. When she’s not writing, she can be seen searching for the perfect dessert.
WILLIAM D. ELDRIDGE has retired from working in the mental health field. He lives at his farm in West Poland, Maine, and is working full time as an artist.