Posted by Kathy on Nov 4, 2015 in Thoughts from ME
I’m not going to tell you how many days there are until Christmas. Or Chanukah. Kwanza. Or even my birthday. (Relax, it isn’t until April. I could use a new outfit.) But I am aware that since Halloween has passed, there is a scientific phenomenon that goes like this:
(Trust me, I made this up.)
Take the average length of a day, and if it is anytime after November 1st, divide it in half and that is how soon Thanksgiving will be here. The day after Thanksgiving is that big ol’ retail day they call “That Big ‘Ol Retail Day” or something like that. And the very next day? Christmas. Really. That’s how it works.
(Trust me. I made this up.)
But not to panic! Look at the right side of this blog. There is a picture of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” – a funny, wild piece of fiction – a full-length novel – perfect for nearly every over-18 female on your gift list (there is the occasional use of a bad word…um, moving the f— along now.) Even some males would enjoy it – but just the evolved ones, I think. For the rest, just get them some boring boy thing. So – click on the book picture and it will lead you to excerpts and ordering information. A few clicks and your list is half done!
Thank you for supporting your small businessperson. I work out of my home, the local coffee shop, or anywhere else where they don’t kick me out for causing my usual disturbance.
Posted by Kathy on Sep 18, 2015 in Uncategorized
It is true that living the life of a nurse-turned-author can have its lonely moments: less interaction with boring supervisors, less time spent studying things called “mission statements” (oh, please), and less time figuring out how to get a piece of the free food that was dropped off in the staff room by a persistent drug rep. (I know – most hospitals have banned that practice now. Dammit, I miss those cookies. That’s what happens when something called ethics gets involved.) So, I have been filling in the blank time with meaningful mini-visits to places like chapels and ice cream shops. I would combine the two but some people are so picky about ice cream dripping onto the kneelers. Jeesh…
Speaking of prayer and treats, I refer you to “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” of which that sentiment may or may not be true but either way, I believe you need a good laugh and that is what you’ll find in this wild and ridiculous novel. You might even get two laughs. If you read carefully.
That’s it for now, peeps. Oh – except, look to the right – that little picture of the book cover – yeah – right there! Click on that to read a couple of excerpts. See if it speaks to you. If it does, then this computer stuff is way more powerful than I thought.
Posted by Kathy on Jul 30, 2015 in Uncategorized
I am recalling those frigid Maine winter days in May when I promised myself 1) I would soon reinvest in my walking program and 2) that I would pay more attention to my food. I did those things. In fact, I did them both at once. I walked…to the restaurant. I walked…to the refrigerator. I walked…oh, you get it. BTW, did you know that if you are over a certain age (which I will not mention because it scares me) you are entitled to a free small sundae at that, um, “friendly” ice cream/food place out? My sister was visiting and we discovered it together. Several times. Yeah, you get the free dessert when you buy a sandwich or entree.
Maybe I could walk there. It’s only about eight miles…
Switching now – THANK YOU to everyone who is reading Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess. And to those who have posted reviews on Amazon, thank you!! If you are curious about this ridiculous and fun novel, click over on the right, at that cute picture of the book cover, to learn more. Go ahead. Don’t be shy. On the right…there it is…yeah, that’s it!
Posted by Kathy on Jul 12, 2015 in Thoughts from ME
What an awesome experience to be on the radio this morning. Instead of nervous, I felt excited. In other words, breakfast and coffee – possibly not enough of the latter – stayed in its place (grammar police, please note lack of apostrophe!) and I didn’t even come close to thinking that I might pass out, die, or never see the shimmer of a dark chocolate candy bar wrapper again.
However, I made a tiny radio error which, of course, cannot be altered, withdrawn, or otherwise removed from the psyche of anyone who was actually awake between 9:30 and 10:00 on Sunday morning. Apparently I was not fully. Awake, that is.
So here is the official notice of the Beyond The Sea book festival 2015 in Lincolnville, Maine. Lots of authors will be there on July 24, 25, & 26, but my spot is in the early afternoon on Saturday, July 25, to sign copies of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” and ply you with chocolate.
And all you have to do is look to the right – that cute picture of the novel in question – and all will be revealed about book details including upcoming events. Go ahead. Click. I’m waiting…sigh…
Posted by Kathy on Jul 2, 2015 in Thoughts from ME
Peeps! I’m coming to the end of a road trip to a conference in a land far away. I took some scenic (as in “Trucks: 20 MPH”) back roads. Destination: Indiana. Made lots of visits on the way (haven’t had to make a bed or wash a dish in two weeks – woohoo!) and studied a plethora of public restrooms. Yup. The stall doors that push inward, with roughly four inches to squeeze through to get inside…sucking in the belly (and not even for a photo!), clinging like a monkey to the door as it swings inward, hoping, hoping, hoping that I don’t land in the bowl which by now is self-flushing like a freaking geyser…yeah – I have to stop at these places ’cause I keep hydrating myself. Don’t want to get dehydrated. Don’t want to break the health rules that are shoved down our parched throats. Ugh. Rant complete.
Hey – look over there – to the right. That picture. Something about chocolate. Hmm. Click there, peeps. Big stuff going on. Even more exciting than bathrooms.
Posted by Kathy on Jun 12, 2015 in Thoughts from ME
Hi, there, peeps! This morning I made myself coffee for breakfast, thought about eating, sensed my belly fat (I know, I’m like Kreskin)…nobody called me to put me on TV (sorry my friend on FB, just kidding), and it’s almost 11am and I’m still in my old-lady nightgown. I did, however, get out the binoculars because I thought I might be seeing those 2 escapees from the NY prison across the street. Yeah, I watched them for a while, thinking about what I’d do with the $100,000 reward. They were just sitting there, looking extremely suspicious, dressed as city workers and yet – not working… I watched them, wondering when they’d make their next move, phone at the ready to call 911. Then a big work truck pulled up. Street cleaning. ~So Disappointed in Westbrook, Maine
Oh, wait, peeps! Look at that! Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess! Click on the book cover at the right to learn more about how you can read a book, laugh a lot, and learn absolutely nothing!
Posted by Kathy on Jun 5, 2015 in Uncategorized
Q: Can one ever have too much chocolate?
Shamelessly promoting “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess.”
Indulge as needed. (See that cute book cover there – on right – there! Right there. Yes, the one with the chocolate bar and the coffee cup and stuff.) Click there FMI.
Posted by Kathy on May 26, 2015 in Thoughts from ME
Ah…the weekly staff meeting.
At one place where I worked – and I can’t say where because “you never know when you’ll need a reference”- a letter was sent to our homes, telling us there might sometime, possibly, potentially, maybe, perhaps be some fiscal changes that would affect us. And that we would be hearing more about this soon. What followed was a series of meetings about the sometime, possibly, potentially, maybe, perhaps changes. We never did hear what those changes might sometime, possibly, potentially, maybe, perhaps be. But it was good for a lot of special meetings. At the 5th or 8th or 20th of these meetings, one brave soul raised a hand. (OK, it was me.)
“Could someone sometime, possibly, potentially, maybe, perhaps tell us why we’re having these meetings?”
The supervisor smiled and nodded his head in affirmation of the question. There was a great deal of forehead scratching, accompanied by the other administrators in the room also solemnly nodding their heads. Then he finally answered.
“We want you to be fully informed of what we don’t know.”
Hey there, peeps! Click on that cute picture of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” to see about upcoming book events (hint: next one is at GoBerry Portand this Friday, May 29th from 4 to 6pm) and to get ordering info. Just look to the right. The right. Up a little. Or maybe down a little. Over there. See? There ya go.
Posted by Kathy on May 24, 2015 in Thoughts from ME
Peeps! Ted would have been observing a BIG birthday today – Sunday. This year, it will be a Heavenly celebration. Hope people party up there. There better be cake.
In honor of the unique human being he was, I encourage you to make this day – or any day – a “Ted Day.”
1) In the midst of any social gathering, slink away to another room, find a sofa, and lie down for a nap. After exactly 18 minutes, get up, wander back in, and rejoin without missing a beat. You’ll have missed nothing. Option to nap: Pick up a book – any book – to read.
2) Get yourself a gooey, yummy latte and the crumbliest pastry you can find. Sit in someone else’s car to eat it, freely dropping crumbs without noticing. Enjoy. Ignore car owner’s barking about the crumbs, those which will soon be joining crumbs of the past in impossible-to-clean upholstery. Have a second pastry. If questioned by spouse/partner, simply say, “There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s perfectly good food,” and indulge, guilt-free.
3) No matter what your accomplishments in life, dress to please yourself. Shredded-from-wear T-shirts are a must. Go to a high class restaurant dressed down. Shaving optional. For either gender.
4) Teach a young child about life by telling stories of when you were a child back in the olden days: the 2-room schoolhouse, pranks played on classmates in prep school, and stories from your hippie days. Embellish as needed.
5) When walking through your own or anyone’s home, pick up random musical instruments to play. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never played them before. Play them now.
I love you, Ted!! This one’s for you, sweetie. xox Always and forever.
ps – Oh – what’s that? To the right? Why, it’s a link to “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess!” How’d that get there?? Click to learn more. And have some pastry with it.
Posted by Kathy on May 7, 2015 in Uncategorized
I’m not gonna lie to you. This was the longest labor and delivery in history. I’m not referring to the new royal princess. For me, “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” has been a long-term project.
That’s what happens when projects are interrupted by ice cream…froyo. ..candy. ..movies. And an uncooperative hair-do.
But it’s here. Mom and baby are doing well. If you look at this right side of this page – right there – no – there. See? It’s a mini-picture of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess.” Sorry there’s no way to reach out and hand you some chocolate through your computer, although I think some day that might be possible. If that happens, then that’s the website I will go to, like, every ten minutes.
So go ahead and do that click thing on the mini-book, and it will take you to a page that tells you more about the book, has a few excerpts, and info about events. That means you have to read for a couple of minutes. Go ahead. You might like it. The cover’s really cute. Not as cute as little Charlotte. But yeah – cute.
Let me know if you get a piece of chocolate through your screen.