You know it’s a bad morning when:
1) You only get 4 ½ hours of sleep before the urgent text messages come rolling in
2) You try to text or call back about the most urgent ones and can’t reach anyone, so
3) You imagine the worst outcome, because (see #1) you only had 4 ½ hours of sleep, and
4) On the way out of the house (look ahead to #5 – come on, you can do it) you get a request from a family member and when you try to help that person, you have a big argument with your spouse while the party to whom you are trying to reach (regarding the other person’s request) answers. So now someone you barely know thinks you’re white trash. Which maybe you are. I hope you followed that. Note that the person on the other end of the phone doesn’t hear you and your husband making up and kissing good-bye afterwards, and now
5) You are running late for your medical appointment and halfway there come upon an emergency road block with flashing lights and fire engines and detours
6) And you wonder if this is one of those days when you should go home, pull up the covers, and not come out for a long, long while, but you don’t because
7) There is still time, at the doctor’s office, to make an idiot of yourself by saying things like, “Oh, my God! Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Cam on Modern Family?” to a complete stranger and when he looks at you and says, “Um, no, not really” without a smile you then add about five disclaimers to reassure him how handsome he is and good-looking and…you quickly get into the elevator because there is no way to come back from telling a complete stranger that he looks like a loveable, plump, gay character on a TV sitcom. So,
8) Now you worry that you have hurt his feelings by inadvertently calling him fat and there is no way to retrieve your words which seem to spill over anywhere, everywhere, especially when you are anxious at the doctor’s office, and you are now certain you are trash, so
9) On the way home you think maybe you’ll go sit in church for a while to settle down and repent but as you pass the church you see dozens of cars out from, so you figure there’s something going on, so
10) You go home. And after the chilly morning, the sun comes out and you walk your old, sick dog. And that’s when you notice the dog crap in the grass…
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