January Excerpts

On the road, promoting “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess,” aka Long-Drive-From-Maine-To-North-Carolina-taken-in-Small-Bits-with-Visits-Coffee-Lunch-Family-Friends-Desserts-and-Now-I-Have-to-Pretend-I’m-Doing-Something-Productive-or-I-Just-Feel-Like-a-Slouch-which-may-be-True-But-Why-Advertise-It.

Here are your instructions: 1) feel sorry for me (no particular reason), 2) feel sorry for the state of the world (plenty of reason), 3) click on the picture of “Not Even…(you know the rest)…Fix This Mess” on the right side of this page. There you will find excerpts (I love spelling that word. Excerpts, excerpts, excerpts) and simple instructions for ordering or finding it at the book store.

Excerpts. Your turn.

Ready, set, um – click.

Out of the Blue

When we were teenagers in New York, active in music and theater programs, my mom used to warn us about feeling let-down when a show came to a close. Ice cream helped a lot. That, and getting into another production.

This Christmas season, just over a year after my husband Ted’s death, I was surprised at how everything felt quite a bit easier than the previous year, when the pain of losing him had been so acute. Yes, I still miss him plenty. But this year, when my daughter Sally came up from Brooklyn several days before Christmas, the fun began immediately. Ted once remarked that he never heard me laugh so much as when I was with Sally. To be fair, there are a few others who can get me going to the point of wondering if I will, in fact, need to call 911. (Can someone actually die laughing?)

We buzzed through the hectic, wonderful week in good form, connecting with other family members and friends. I felt peaceful, even with tears. We sang carols at Ted’s grave in the dark on Christmas Eve, and I wondered if we’d be kicked out of the cemetery by some lurking security guard of my imagination. At home, we played a fast-paced trivia-type game Sally bought for me that left me with the question “Where did my brain go?”, which would be an apt title for it. We went to the movies, shopped, and took field trips to the refrigerator with complete “live for today” abandon. I do regret that part, just a bit, as I face the new year and all that resolution junk. Oh, well. Whatever.

I felt so good about this year’s experience that I wrote a long email to my former grief counselor. A model of hope and growth, I detailed how I got through the holidays in reasonable shape (other than the fit of my clothing…)

Then Tuesday morning came. We got up at what some people call early morning (aka the middle of the night, for me), and I drove her to the airport. I knew I would miss her company. But it didn’t hit me until later that day: the feeling of life in slow-motion, my head prodding me to physically move, to put dishes away, to unclench my jaw. The next morning brought that forgotten, familiar desire to stay in bed. I had to force-feed intentions to call friends, to make plans, to say yes instead of no.

The waves of loss and aloneness that have risen up have captured my attention – this unexpected piece of life that catches me when I’m not looking and threatens to overtake me.

The trick is to feel it…to let it be there…and still, somehow, keep the motion going.

If only it were as easy as signing up for another show.

Shopping Redux

For unto us a shopping list is born…hope you are all enjoying whatever holidays you wish to celebrate! May this be a time of great peace and joy for all. THANK YOU to all my many readers who have enjoyed Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess this year since its publication in May. I am grateful – and also getting ready for my first chocolate fix of the day.

It’s not to late to pick up a copy at your local bookstore or online! It’s fast and easy! Click on the book cover to the right, which will bring you (eventually…remember, it’s the season to feel peaceful and also pray for that prime parking spot at the mall) to ways to get your copy – for you, or for that special friend or family member who really needs a good laugh. Good news: There is absolutely nothing to learn from this novel. It’s just FUN!!!!

Love and hugs to you all! Make peace, laugh, and share chocolate.

Seriously – holidays

There I was sneaking yet another turkey sandwich when it occurred to me I was being very un-American. I was not shopping!

For anyone else who has chosen the road less traveled (enjoying Thanksgiving a little longer and then shopping “local”, at least a little local (locally?) because let’s face it, I’ll be online, too, pretty soon and every cell in my body wants to go to a shopping mall right now except my hunger for more home cooking and family time has won out and plus, I really hate being trampled in stores where everyone is trying to get into that nice, warm holiday spirit) – where was I? Oh, yeah. It seems a little weird to envision and even follow through on this concept, but here it is:

I am going to “shop local” as much as I can this season. I hope you will join me at a couple of events where I will be signing and personalizing copies of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess.” Click on the book cover to your right and it will take you to where and when the magic will happen (dark chocolate.) TTFN!

Holiday Panic Button aka Shameless Promo

I’m not going to tell you how many days there are until Christmas. Or Chanukah. Kwanza. Or even my birthday. (Relax, it isn’t until April. I could use a new outfit.) But I am aware that since Halloween has passed, there is a scientific phenomenon that goes like this:

(Trust me, I made this up.)

Take the average length of a day, and if it is anytime after November 1st, divide it in half and that is how soon Thanksgiving will be here. The day after Thanksgiving is that big ol’ retail day they call “That Big ‘Ol Retail Day” or something like that. And the very next day? Christmas. Really. That’s how it works.

(Trust me. I made this up.)

But not to panic! Look at the right side of this blog. There is a picture of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” – a funny, wild piece of fiction – a full-length novel – perfect for nearly every over-18 female on your gift list (there is the occasional use of a bad word…um, moving the f— along now.) Even some males would enjoy it – but just the evolved ones, I think. For the rest, just get them some boring boy thing. So – click on the book picture and it will lead you to excerpts and ordering information. A few clicks and your list is half done!

Thank you for supporting your small businessperson. I work out of my home, the local coffee shop, or anywhere else where they don’t kick me out for causing my usual disturbance.

Where Did those Cookies Go, Anyway?!?

It is true that living the life of a nurse-turned-author can have its lonely moments: less interaction with boring supervisors, less time spent studying things called “mission statements” (oh, please), and less time figuring out how to get a piece of the free food that was dropped off in the staff room by a persistent drug rep. (I know – most hospitals have banned that practice now. Dammit, I miss those cookies. That’s what happens when something called ethics gets involved.) So, I have been filling in the blank time with meaningful mini-visits to places like chapels and ice cream shops. I would combine the two but some people are so picky about ice cream dripping onto the kneelers. Jeesh…

Speaking of prayer and treats, I refer you to “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” of which that sentiment may or may not be true but either way, I believe you need a good laugh and that is what you’ll find in this wild and ridiculous novel. You might even get two laughs. If you read carefully.

That’s it for now, peeps. Oh – except, look to the right – that little picture of the book cover – yeah – right there! Click on that to read a couple of excerpts. See if it speaks to you. If it does, then this computer stuff is way more powerful than I thought.

In Good Company and That Includes Ice Cream

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!

I am recalling those frigid Maine winter days in May when I promised myself  1) I would soon reinvest in my walking program and 2) that I would pay more attention to my food. I did those things. In fact, I did them both at once. I walked…to the restaurant. I walked…to the refrigerator. I walked…oh, you get it. BTW, did you know that if you are over a certain age (which I will not mention because it scares me) you are entitled to a free small sundae at that, um, “friendly” ice cream/food place out?  My sister was visiting and we discovered it together. Several times. Yeah, you get the free dessert when you buy a sandwich or entree.

Maybe I could walk there. It’s only about eight miles…

Switching now – THANK YOU to everyone who is reading Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess. And to those who have posted reviews on Amazon, thank you!! If you are curious about this ridiculous and fun novel, click over on the right, at that cute picture of the book cover, to learn more. Go ahead. Don’t be shy. On the right…there it is…yeah, that’s it!

Have Brain, Will Travel

What an awesome experience to be on the radio this morning. Instead of nervous, I felt excited. In other words, breakfast and coffee – possibly not enough of the latter – stayed in its place (grammar police, please note lack of apostrophe!) and I didn’t even come close to thinking that I might pass out, die, or never see the shimmer of a dark chocolate candy bar wrapper again.

However, I made a tiny radio error which, of course, cannot be altered, withdrawn, or otherwise removed from the psyche of anyone who was actually awake between 9:30 and 10:00 on Sunday morning. Apparently I was not fully. Awake, that is.

So here is the official notice of the Beyond The Sea book festival 2015 in Lincolnville, Maine. Lots of authors will be there on July 24, 25, & 26, but my spot is in the early afternoon on Saturday, July 25, to sign copies of “Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess” and ply you with chocolate.

And all you have to do is look to the right – that cute picture of the novel in question – and all will be revealed about book details including upcoming events. Go ahead. Click. I’m waiting…sigh…

The Public Bathroom Redux

Peeps! I’m coming to the end of a road trip to a conference in a land far away. I took some scenic (as in “Trucks: 20 MPH”) back roads. Destination: Indiana. Made lots of visits on the way (haven’t had to make a bed or wash a dish in two weeks – woohoo!) and studied a plethora of public restrooms. Yup. The stall doors that push inward, with roughly four inches to squeeze through to get inside…sucking in the belly (and not even for a photo!), clinging like a monkey to the door as it swings inward, hoping, hoping, hoping that I don’t land in the bowl which by now is self-flushing like a freaking geyser…yeah – I have to stop at these places ’cause I keep hydrating myself. Don’t want to get dehydrated. Don’t want to break the health rules that are shoved down our parched throats. Ugh. Rant complete.

Hey – look over there – to the right. That picture. Something about chocolate. Hmm. Click there, peeps. Big stuff going on. Even more exciting than bathrooms.

A Hero in my Own Mind

Hi, there, peeps! This morning I made myself coffee for breakfast, thought about eating, sensed my belly fat (I know, I’m like Kreskin)…nobody called me to put me on TV (sorry my friend on FB, just kidding), and it’s almost 11am and I’m still in my old-lady nightgown. I did, however, get out the binoculars because I thought I might be seeing those 2 escapees from the NY prison across the street. Yeah, I watched them for a while, thinking about what I’d do with the $100,000 reward. They were just sitting there, looking extremely suspicious, dressed as city workers and yet – not working… I watched them, wondering when they’d make their next move, phone at the ready to call 911. Then a big work truck pulled up. Street cleaning. ~So Disappointed in Westbrook, Maine

Oh, wait, peeps! Look at that! Not Even Dark Chocolate Can Fix This Mess! Click on the book cover at the right to learn more about how you can read a book, laugh a lot, and learn absolutely nothing!